Sunday, November 16, 2008

"Fitting" into a Gym!

On persistent reminders from a friend, I finally joined a gym.

The first day I went, I almost turned back because I thought I was in the wrong place. I was not expecting to see a resort-like lobby, well-dressed staff (with neckties and all!)... Anyway, after the initial confusion, my wife and I registered. And then off went my wife with a friend of hers to "workout" and I was left alone to fend for myself.

I went up the stairs and passed a few jocks whose biceps were approximately the size of my thighs! I started to have visions of myself with Salmanesque bulging muscles..... This place was good! I walked to the Fitness Center and there was a sea of machines! I hesitantly walked over to one and tried to figure out the handles, bars, knobs.... I squeezed myself between two handle bars and gave one of the handles a heave. The next thing I know.... something smacked me on the back and I was sprawled on the floor! God, I hope nobody saw that. Just then, a voice piped behind me --"Arvin Uncle, you were sitting on the machine backwards." I looked up to see a couple of our 10-year old neighborhood kids staring down at me with a pitying look. "You know, they do have a Yoga room at the other end."
There goes my sporty, toughie reputation!
Hey guys, let's keep this amongst ourselves, okay?"
"Coldstone ice-cream gift-cards?" they asked, looking very innocent. "Oh, alright...," I replied. Smart kids!
I picked up my sore back and made a beeline for the Yoga room. For some peace and quiet now! There was a "Open Class at 7 pm" sign outside the room. Good! There was nobody in the brightly lit room and I settled down in one corner. After a few minutes, a couple of huge men walked in...and I mean they were big! Their tight T -shirts could barely contain the rippling muscles. "Is the class here?" one of them asked.
"Yeah, at 7 pm," I replied. Can Yoga build up a body like that? I started feeling good about this gym again. A few more men came in, and each of them seemed to be bigger than the other.

The instructor started barking out instructions -- "Warm up a little....relax your muscles and then take off your shirts..." What was that again....? Take off your shirts? I was confused.
"Which aasan is that?" I asked, not to anybody in particular.
The guy in front of me turned around and glared at me, "Whom are you calling an ass?" he growled, flexing his eye popping biceps.
" I meant which Yoga-aasan is that?"
"Yoga? Hey bro, this is a body building class." I turned a beetroot red and hurried out of the room and ran into my wife in the Fitness Center.
"Hi honey," she smiled. "Look at your red face! You must have had a wonderful work out."
I just nodded, not trusting myself to speak. She continued. "We should come here every day and be fit."
"Yeah honey, I'll try to fit in too," I replied.

But I'm getting used to it now, the machines are more friendly and I don't venture into any room till I know for sure what's going on inside!