On persistent reminders from a friend, I finally joined a gym.
The first day I went, I almost turned back because I thought I was in the wrong place. I was not expecting to see a resort-like lobby, well-dressed staff (with neckties and all!)... Anyway, after the initial confusion, my wife and I registered. And then off went my wife with a friend of hers to "workout" and I was left alone to fend for myself.
I went up the stairs and passed a few jocks whose biceps were approximately the size of my thighs! I started to have visions of myself with Salmanesque bulging muscles..... This place was good! I walked to the Fitness Center and there was a sea of machines! I hesitantly walked over to one and tried to figure out the handles, bars, knobs.... I squeezed myself between two handle bars and gave one of the handles a heave. The next thing I know.... something smacked me on the back and I was sprawled on the floor! God, I hope nobody saw that. Just then, a voice piped behind me --"Arvin Uncle, you were sitting on the machine backwards." I looked up to see a couple of our 10-year old neighborhood kids staring down at me with a pitying look. "You know, they do have a Yoga room at the other end."
There goes my sporty, toughie reputation!
"Hey guys, let's keep this amongst ourselves, okay?"
"Coldstone ice-cream gift-cards?" they asked, looking very innocent. "Oh, alright...," I replied. Smart kids!
I picked up my sore back and made a beeline for the Yoga room. For some peace and quiet now! There was a "Open Class at 7 pm" sign outside the room. Good! There was nobody in the brightly lit room and I settled down in one corner. After a few minutes, a couple of huge men walked in...and I mean they were big! Their tight T -shirts could barely contain the rippling muscles. "Is the class here?" one of them asked.
"Yeah, at 7 pm," I replied. Can Yoga build up a body like that? I started feeling good about this gym again. A few more men came in, and each of them seemed to be bigger than the other.
The instructor started barking out instructions -- "Warm up a little....relax your muscles and then take off your shirts..." What was that again....? Take off your shirts? I was confused.
"Which aasan is that?" I asked, not to anybody in particular.
The guy in front of me turned around and glared at me, "Whom are you calling an ass?" he growled, flexing his eye popping biceps.
"No....no.... I meant which Yoga-aasan is that?"
"Yoga? Hey bro, this is a body building class." I turned a beetroot red and hurried out of the room and ran into my wife in the Fitness Center.
"Hi honey," she smiled. "Look at your red face! You must have had a wonderful work out."
I just nodded, not trusting myself to speak. She continued. "We should come here every day and be fit."
"Yeah honey, I'll try to fit in too," I replied.
But I'm getting used to it now, the machines are more friendly and I don't venture into any room till I know for sure what's going on inside!
