The usually gregarious, funny sixty-five year old gentleman was uncharacteristically quiet, when he came in for a physical.
"What's up? Not feeling good today?" I asked.
"No... I am okay. One of my good friends passed away a few weeks ago," he said.
"Oh..I am sorry to hear that," I said.
"Well, Doc, my friend was very rich, and he had a good, busy life. He was financially stable, was involved in every organization in town."
"That's good, isn't it?" I asked.
"It is," he said slowly. "But hardly anybody remembers him... and it's just been a few weeks! When his name comes up in conversations, he is just remembered as that 'Rich Guy'. Nobody says anything else about him."
"What would you like them to say?" I asked.
"Well, doc," he said with his usual wide smile. "I'll tell you what I hope people say about me - now and when I'm no more."
"You still have a long time on mother earth," I replied lightly. "What would you like people to say about you?"
"I just want people to say that I'm a nice guy. That's it. Nothing more."
"That shouldn't be tough. You are a nice person," I said.
"Well...I think I am nice to nice people. The key is to be nice to everybody, even to people who are not nice to me. It's tough, but I'm going to do it."
His words lingered with me all day. What does being nice mean? Is it being polite... remembering birthdays...does recycling count? We can add all the flowery adjectives here -- pleasant, compassionate, humble etc. Maybe its an amalgam of all of the above, to a certain degree. The more important thing is to be nice to your "immediate world." That would be the people you interact with on a day to day basis.
I researched the topic of "Being Nice" a little bit. I went through a few research studies by social scientists on the topic. The conclusions of all these studies was unexpected, but not surprising. Majority of the people (more than 85%) equated 'being nice' to being 'sincere'. It was less about being polite or humble or about etiquette.... it was overwhelmingly about keeping promises, and "walking the talk". So you want to be on the right side of your social peers? Then be true to your word -- "Do what you say and say only what you mean." People are intelligent, and can spot a fake when they see one. They might not say it to your face, but they know.
"A person who is nice to you, but is rude to the waiter, is NOT a nice person."
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