"How long do I have, doc? Before I go over to the dark side?" This was a question posed to me recently by an 81-yr old patient, who was beginning to have signs and symptoms of early Dementia.
"The dark side?" I asked.
"You know what I mean. Before I forget who I am.... can you put a time on when I won't recognize my family?" he asked.
I though for a long second.
"I can't. I am sorry." I replied. "It varies a lot.... a few months to a few years."
"But it is going to happen?" he persisted.
"Can't be sure of that too... but probably yes," I said. "I'm sorry."
"No, doc. You don't have to be sorry. In fact, I appreciate you being straight up with me. I have always believed that we all should live in the present," he said, smiling. "It's not going to help me if I rue the past or worry about the future, the present is what it is. I'll make the best of it."
That was inspiring for me indeed. So often, we wander into our past and have difficulty getting back. At other times, we tend to drift into wishful thinking, hoping for a perfect future. And between the past and the future, we forget to embrace the present. Waves of nostalgia overcome us off and on, especially in the company of friends, and we often say that "those days were much better than today." I am guilty of that too. But on reflection, I don't think that is true. Those days were good, but so is today. I don't want to wait 5 years before admitting today was great!
The past is a good place to visit off and on, but we should try not to live there. We learn from our past mistakes and the smart ones among us will try not to repeat them. But the most important revelation the past bestows on us is about the people who are a part of our lives. Folks who stood by us through good and bad times, get our respect and affection. The past also has some unpleasant experiences and memories, pertaining to people & situations. If that part of the past calls, let it go to voice-mail. It has nothing new to say.
There is no living in fantasizing about an imaginary, future garden of Eden over the horizon. Today is the day, now is the moment. Embrace it, enjoy it, live it.
"Pile up too many tomorrows and you'll find that you have collected nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays." ~ The Music Man
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