Recently, my wife and I got invited to an upscale restaurant in D.C. by some friends.
"What do you mean 'upscale'?" I asked my wife.
"I mean fancy, reeeeal fancy," she replied. "You have a seven course meal. You got to wear a jacket and a necktie, mister."
When my wife starts mistering me, its wise for my well-being to be quiet.
Anyway, we made it to the restaurant. My wife looked exquisite in her red dress and as for me, I definitely looked uncomfortable in my neck tie.
"I think I'll take my tie off just before we eat--" I started.
"They probably won't serve you then," my wife said. That was something to ponder. I did want to eat and the hunger pangs were starting.
"Why is the light so dim? We can barely see each other," I asked. My wife, being used to sophisticated places, just frowned at me.
After we were seated by a stern looking "Seating Manager", an equally somber looking "Dinner Associate" showed up at our table.
"What's a 'Dinner Associate'? Is he going to have dinner with us?" I asked my wife.
"No, honey. He's the waiter. Remember, this is a fancy place," she whispered back.
"Oh, then this guy must be getting us our drinks," I said, pointing to the Beverage Consultant, standing right next to the Dinner Associate.
The Beverage Consultant almost choked when I asked for a Vodka-Tonic instead of Chateau Pinot Noir, or Franco Cabernet Sauvignon.....!
"Which salad did you order?" my wife asked.
"The fruit & nut symphony salad" I said, looking forward to it. "And here it comes."
As soon as I looked at my plate, I tapped our Dinner Associate on the back.
"I think you got me the wrong salad. I ordered the fruit & nut symphony," I said.
He looked at my Vodka-Tonic and then at me, rather disdainfully.
"Sir, that is the symphony salad. And you have the wrong fork in your hand. The salad fork is the smaller one." He was kind enough not to be loud.
"What's the ruckus?" My wife asked, turning towards me.
"Oh nothing," I replied. "My salad is all of 2 leaves of lettuce, 5 peas, 3 peanuts and half of a strawberry. I think I'm going to need a lot more than seven courses--"
"Shh.... just smile at the people across the table."
"Now I know why they keep the light so dim," I muttered.
The rest of the evening was no better. I spent more time chasing food on my plate than eating it. The waiters...sorry 'Dinner Associates', sidled up silently and swished away plates, once even before I was done. When I uttered a mild protest, I was admonished that my knife and fork were at the 5 '0' clock position, indicating that I was finished with my food. After that I kept my cutlery in my hands at all times, even while drinking my Vodka!
The seven courses were spread over a painful 2 hours. When we finally got out of the restaurant, we all looked at each other and burst out laughing. And we laughed all the way to IHOP!
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Thursday, October 6, 2016
Saturday, September 10, 2016
"Unethical Amnesia" -- is it real ?
"I feel my heart racing off and on," a patient said, a few weeks ago in my office.
"When do you feel that? Is it when you are exercising?" I asked.
"No...no. It's generally when I'm upset, Doc," she said. I observed that her eyes were moist.
"That is generally not a serious issue," I said. But I knew she wasn't done.
"It's one of my friends, Doctor. Every few years, she will repeat the same unpleasant things, and when I remind her of the past, her reply is that she does not remember."
"Well ---" I started.
"But she remembers every little favor she has done for me for the last 20 years!" she exclaimed.
I'm not a psychologist, but I had a fair idea of what was going on here. I pulled up a chair and sat down.
"Have you heard of "Unethical Amnesia" ? I asked.
A few days later, this came up again when I was sitting with some of my friends. In the last week, there was a research study out of Harvard and Kellogg School of Management, which concluded that "Unethical Amnesia" is indeed a condition which prevails in most of us. We all are social animals, and generally, we know when we do something that is morally or ethically not within the parameters of "Being a good human - being." We might hide it from the rest of the world, but it does not give us a good feeling inside. It becomes an uncomfortable memory within ourselves, and our neuronal circuitry tends to suppress these unpleasant memories. And recent studies indicate that people genuinely do tend to forget the details of their own transgressions. But this does make folks more prone to repeat these mistakes, leading to "repeat offenders."
On the other hand, when we do something to help someone, especially where nothing was expected in return, it gives us a great feeling. We genuinely feel good after a selfless act. And our neuronal circuits crystallize both the memory, and the feeling. Subsequently, it etches itself in our memory. Our personality, in the long run, becomes a sum of these memories and emotions.
Now take a moment, and think back on all the selfless deeds you have done in the last few years..... Too many, isn't it?
Now try to think of the not-so-good things you might have done during the same time frame.... Not a single instance, right? Or is it 'Unethical Amnesia' ?!!
"The next best thing to the enjoyment of a good time, is the recollection of it." ~ James L. Basford
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"When do you feel that? Is it when you are exercising?" I asked.
"No...no. It's generally when I'm upset, Doc," she said. I observed that her eyes were moist.
"That is generally not a serious issue," I said. But I knew she wasn't done.
"It's one of my friends, Doctor. Every few years, she will repeat the same unpleasant things, and when I remind her of the past, her reply is that she does not remember."
"Well ---" I started.
"But she remembers every little favor she has done for me for the last 20 years!" she exclaimed.
I'm not a psychologist, but I had a fair idea of what was going on here. I pulled up a chair and sat down.
"Have you heard of "Unethical Amnesia" ? I asked.
A few days later, this came up again when I was sitting with some of my friends. In the last week, there was a research study out of Harvard and Kellogg School of Management, which concluded that "Unethical Amnesia" is indeed a condition which prevails in most of us. We all are social animals, and generally, we know when we do something that is morally or ethically not within the parameters of "Being a good human - being." We might hide it from the rest of the world, but it does not give us a good feeling inside. It becomes an uncomfortable memory within ourselves, and our neuronal circuitry tends to suppress these unpleasant memories. And recent studies indicate that people genuinely do tend to forget the details of their own transgressions. But this does make folks more prone to repeat these mistakes, leading to "repeat offenders."
On the other hand, when we do something to help someone, especially where nothing was expected in return, it gives us a great feeling. We genuinely feel good after a selfless act. And our neuronal circuits crystallize both the memory, and the feeling. Subsequently, it etches itself in our memory. Our personality, in the long run, becomes a sum of these memories and emotions.
Now take a moment, and think back on all the selfless deeds you have done in the last few years..... Too many, isn't it?
Now try to think of the not-so-good things you might have done during the same time frame.... Not a single instance, right? Or is it 'Unethical Amnesia' ?!!
"The next best thing to the enjoyment of a good time, is the recollection of it." ~ James L. Basford
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