"You always look great, but today you are looking even better. What's the secret?" I asked my patient, as I was finishing up.
"You are right, Doc. This past weekend I went to my high school reunion. I feel rejuvenated. It was so good to meet up and connect with folks from such a long time ago," he replied.
"High - School reunion? When did you graduate high school?" I asked.
"I was afraid you were going to ask that," he replied. "A long time ago, Doc. I graduated in 1972. I met some of my batch mates after 35 years. But it didn't feel like that. It was just one quick "Hello", and that crossed the bridge from 1972 to now in an instant."
And as I write this, my Medical College reunion was last week in Vancouver. I graduated Medical school in 1984. The years in Med school gave me a formative education and forged life-long friendships. The organizers of our reunion had done a fabulous job staging different events. The whole reunion created a unique environment that took us all back many decades to revisit fond memories.
A heartfelt 'Hello' and a hug bridged the chasm of almost 4 decades. After that, the flow of conversation was free and easy. The connection was seamless. There was no awkwardness of the vast time span between now and the last time we met. Anecdotes from our Medical School sent us into fits of laughter. It is amazing how each one of us could remember, in meticulous detail, some incidents that are permanently etched in our gray matter. There was instant camaraderie all around.
I am sure all of us feel that way, whenever we meet old friends. We all have memory banks that are locked up in the depths of our brain cells. Its people from our past who have the keys to open up those banks. Then there is a flood of memories that envelop us in a warmth that cannot be described, but can only be felt.
A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and more important, one of the best things you can be. Friends will rekindle an inner spirit, that no one else can. If we had to sum up friendship in one word, it would be 'comfort'.
So hats off to my colleagues from Dayanand Medical College, for their undying enthusiasm, sincerity, energy and friendship.
"No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who know each other's worth." ~Robert Southey
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Saturday, July 21, 2018
Sunday, July 1, 2018
Sophistication is all in the mind
"Please be ready on time this Friday evening," my wife said to me, a few weeks ago. "There'll be a lot of sophisticated people there." She was reminding me of a get together we were invited to.
"So I guess jeans won't cut it then?" I asked hesitantly.
"Jeans?" She gave me one of those looks. She walked away, shaking her head. "And be prepared to slow dance at the party," she added.
The words "slow dance" are enough to make any grown man cringe. Regular dance, I can handle. You shake a leg, move an arm and the dim lights with the flashing strobe takes care of the rest. "Slow Dance" is a different animal altogether.
What does sophistication really mean? Am I sophisticated? I guess its the people I know, people I work with and my friends who should decide whether I am or not. Well, one catch here though - the person who makes that judgment, better be sophisticated too.
So what makes people sophisticated? Is it the way you dress? The way you converse? Education? A bit of everything might be the right answer. It's a universally accepted fact that having a lot of money makes you wealthy, but not necessarily sophisticated.
I think every section of society, every social circle, sets its own bar regarding the threshold of crossing into their own elite world of sophistication. We are all drawn towards that world instinctively as we grow in years. Consciously trying to act sophisticated never works. Here's how the dictionary defines sophistication :
"Having acquired worldly knowledge or refinement; lacking natural simplicity or naiveté."
Anyway, I survived the "Sophisticated" party by just being myself. There were no major gaffes on my part and I tried to blend in with the elite crowd. And yes, the slow dance..... it was bit of a challenge. I just pretended I was ice-skating, but in slow motion.
"Sophistication is not how you look in fancy clothes, but how the clothes look on you. Its not about how much expensive jewelry you carry on your body, but how you carry yourself. Its not about how much money you make, but how humble money has made you."
.
"So I guess jeans won't cut it then?" I asked hesitantly.
"Jeans?" She gave me one of those looks. She walked away, shaking her head. "And be prepared to slow dance at the party," she added.
The words "slow dance" are enough to make any grown man cringe. Regular dance, I can handle. You shake a leg, move an arm and the dim lights with the flashing strobe takes care of the rest. "Slow Dance" is a different animal altogether.
What does sophistication really mean? Am I sophisticated? I guess its the people I know, people I work with and my friends who should decide whether I am or not. Well, one catch here though - the person who makes that judgment, better be sophisticated too.
So what makes people sophisticated? Is it the way you dress? The way you converse? Education? A bit of everything might be the right answer. It's a universally accepted fact that having a lot of money makes you wealthy, but not necessarily sophisticated.
I think every section of society, every social circle, sets its own bar regarding the threshold of crossing into their own elite world of sophistication. We are all drawn towards that world instinctively as we grow in years. Consciously trying to act sophisticated never works. Here's how the dictionary defines sophistication :
"Having acquired worldly knowledge or refinement; lacking natural simplicity or naiveté."
Anyway, I survived the "Sophisticated" party by just being myself. There were no major gaffes on my part and I tried to blend in with the elite crowd. And yes, the slow dance..... it was bit of a challenge. I just pretended I was ice-skating, but in slow motion.
"Sophistication is not how you look in fancy clothes, but how the clothes look on you. Its not about how much expensive jewelry you carry on your body, but how you carry yourself. Its not about how much money you make, but how humble money has made you."
.
Sunday, June 3, 2018
Good Optics = True Friendship? Probably not.......!
"I have palpitations all the time, and I feel so nervous," a thirty-some year old lady said to me in the office.
"You have a reason to be anxious?" I asked.
"Well.." she hesitated.
I waited.
"I am so stressed because my pick-up number's been changed by my friends," she blurted out.
I was confused. Pick-up number by friends?
"I'm sorry, I don't understand. Are we talking about food?" I didn't know what else to say.
"No..no..," she actually smiled. "I mean when we girls go out, my pick up number is 4 now. It used to be 1 or 2 just a few weeks ago."
I just stared at her for a couple of very long seconds. Words failed me. I stole a glance to the schedule on my i-pad. I had a few minutes. I pulled a chair.
"So what does that mean.... Your pick-up number being lower on the list?" I asked. It felt as if as I was talking to a middle schooler.
"It means that the person picking me up is not that close to me now. It's like sitting next to each other at a party," she said, exhaling a deep breath. She seemed relieved by venting.
"So the strength of a friendship is dependent on the pick up number? And how close you sit at a party?" I asked.
"Yes...yes. And also if a person hugs you or just says "Hi" when you greet each other at a social gathering," she was very animated now.
"I thought friendship was about meeting of the minds and having similar priorities and all that..." my was trailed off. I knew I was wasting my breath here.
"That's all okay, but people can't see those things."
"Aha... so it's people around you who decide who you are close to or not." Before you she could respond, I continued. "I'll give you the number of a very good counselor, and maybe he can help you and your friends about the 'pick up sequence' and the 'meet & greet' protocol."
I had to end this. I had to go on to more mundane problems like heart attacks and strokes !
I can't help but smile when I think of that conversation. Is this what friendship is all about these days? Good optics? Maybe, for some. And then there's this social media deluge. Everyone else seems to be on a permanent vacation or a partying spree! This puts a lot of pressure on insecure minds.
There are two universal truths about a lasting friendship -- "Being Sincere and Being Open."
The opposite is "Being Secretive and Being Manipulative." It's tough to have long-term friends when these two characteristics are hallmarks of a personality.
Friendship should be treasure trove of fond memories, of spontaneous laughter and of comfortable silences. It's not about how many friends you can count, it's about how many of those you can count on.
"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." ~ Elisabeth Foley
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"You have a reason to be anxious?" I asked.
"Well.." she hesitated.
I waited.
"I am so stressed because my pick-up number's been changed by my friends," she blurted out.
I was confused. Pick-up number by friends?
"I'm sorry, I don't understand. Are we talking about food?" I didn't know what else to say.
"No..no..," she actually smiled. "I mean when we girls go out, my pick up number is 4 now. It used to be 1 or 2 just a few weeks ago."
I just stared at her for a couple of very long seconds. Words failed me. I stole a glance to the schedule on my i-pad. I had a few minutes. I pulled a chair.
"So what does that mean.... Your pick-up number being lower on the list?" I asked. It felt as if as I was talking to a middle schooler.
"It means that the person picking me up is not that close to me now. It's like sitting next to each other at a party," she said, exhaling a deep breath. She seemed relieved by venting.
"So the strength of a friendship is dependent on the pick up number? And how close you sit at a party?" I asked.
"Yes...yes. And also if a person hugs you or just says "Hi" when you greet each other at a social gathering," she was very animated now.
"I thought friendship was about meeting of the minds and having similar priorities and all that..." my was trailed off. I knew I was wasting my breath here.
"That's all okay, but people can't see those things."
"Aha... so it's people around you who decide who you are close to or not." Before you she could respond, I continued. "I'll give you the number of a very good counselor, and maybe he can help you and your friends about the 'pick up sequence' and the 'meet & greet' protocol."
I had to end this. I had to go on to more mundane problems like heart attacks and strokes !
I can't help but smile when I think of that conversation. Is this what friendship is all about these days? Good optics? Maybe, for some. And then there's this social media deluge. Everyone else seems to be on a permanent vacation or a partying spree! This puts a lot of pressure on insecure minds.
There are two universal truths about a lasting friendship -- "Being Sincere and Being Open."
The opposite is "Being Secretive and Being Manipulative." It's tough to have long-term friends when these two characteristics are hallmarks of a personality.
Friendship should be treasure trove of fond memories, of spontaneous laughter and of comfortable silences. It's not about how many friends you can count, it's about how many of those you can count on.
"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." ~ Elisabeth Foley
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Sunday, May 20, 2018
So, how are you "Vibing" today.....?!
"Your blood pressure is absolutely normal today," I said to a patient. My voice was tinged with a little surprise.
"You weren't expecting that, Doc?" my patient asked.
"I was expecting it to be better than last time, but this is great. So you have been taking your medications?" I asked
"Yes, I have been taking my prescriptions regularly. But I've done something more that really helped a lot," he replied.
"Oh yeah? What's that?"
"I've been hanging out with people from whom I get good vibes. I think that's helped more than my meds," he replied.
"I am sure it has, but please don't stop the medications," I emphasized.
"No..no, I'll continue to take my pills. But I am going to surround myself with positive vibes from here on. I am sixty now, I don't need negativity in my life any more."
That conversation stuck with me the rest of the day. There was so much truth in those words. There comes a time in everyone's life when the phrase "Peace & Quiet" has more value than any amount of "Glitter & Gold."
Everyone has their own perspective on life. Even in the same social circle, or close group of friends, priorities are different. That does not mean any one perspective or thought process is better than the other. Our priorities in life are molded by circumstances and social pressures. How much one gives in to these pressures, is again, a choice that we all make on a day to day basis.
But one unavoidable truth, which we can all agree on, is that we all know in our hearts in whose company we are most comfortable & relaxed. Now, we don't have to be loud or obvious about it. And that's because of the same "Social pressures or constraints" we just talked about!
But be socially brave, buck the trend a bit, and hang out more with people who bring out the best in you. Envelope yourself with positive vibes, surround yourself with personalities who bring sunshine into your life. That would be a step towards creating a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside.
"Vibes, like attitude, are contagious. Are yours worth catching?"
.
"You weren't expecting that, Doc?" my patient asked.
"I was expecting it to be better than last time, but this is great. So you have been taking your medications?" I asked
"Yes, I have been taking my prescriptions regularly. But I've done something more that really helped a lot," he replied.
"Oh yeah? What's that?"
"I've been hanging out with people from whom I get good vibes. I think that's helped more than my meds," he replied.
"I am sure it has, but please don't stop the medications," I emphasized.
"No..no, I'll continue to take my pills. But I am going to surround myself with positive vibes from here on. I am sixty now, I don't need negativity in my life any more."
That conversation stuck with me the rest of the day. There was so much truth in those words. There comes a time in everyone's life when the phrase "Peace & Quiet" has more value than any amount of "Glitter & Gold."
Everyone has their own perspective on life. Even in the same social circle, or close group of friends, priorities are different. That does not mean any one perspective or thought process is better than the other. Our priorities in life are molded by circumstances and social pressures. How much one gives in to these pressures, is again, a choice that we all make on a day to day basis.
But one unavoidable truth, which we can all agree on, is that we all know in our hearts in whose company we are most comfortable & relaxed. Now, we don't have to be loud or obvious about it. And that's because of the same "Social pressures or constraints" we just talked about!
But be socially brave, buck the trend a bit, and hang out more with people who bring out the best in you. Envelope yourself with positive vibes, surround yourself with personalities who bring sunshine into your life. That would be a step towards creating a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside.
"Vibes, like attitude, are contagious. Are yours worth catching?"
.
Sunday, May 6, 2018
"From Bombay to Bangalore...."
Sudha Murthy is the Chairperson of the Infosys Foundation. She often writes about real life experiences. The passage below is one of her own. Please read it till the end. It will be worth it.
It was the beginning of summer. I was boarding Udyan Express at Gulbarga railway station. As I boarded the train, I saw that the second-class reserved compartment was jam-packed with people. I sat down and was pushed to the corner of the berth.
The ticket collector came in and started checking people's tickets and reservations. Suddenly, he looked in my direction and asked, "What about your ticket?"
It was the beginning of summer. I was boarding Udyan Express at Gulbarga railway station. As I boarded the train, I saw that the second-class reserved compartment was jam-packed with people. I sat down and was pushed to the corner of the berth.
The ticket collector came in and started checking people's tickets and reservations. Suddenly, he looked in my direction and asked, "What about your ticket?"
"I have already shown my ticket to you," I said.
"Not you, madam, the girl hiding below your berth. Hey, come out, where is your ticket?" I realized that someone was sitting below my berth. When the collector yelled at her, the girl came out of hiding.
She was thin, dark, scared and looked like she had been crying. She must have been about ten or eleven years old. She had uncombed hair and was dressed in a torn skirt and blouse. She was trembling as the collector started forcibly pulling her out from the compartment.
"Not you, madam, the girl hiding below your berth. Hey, come out, where is your ticket?" I realized that someone was sitting below my berth. When the collector yelled at her, the girl came out of hiding.
She was thin, dark, scared and looked like she had been crying. She must have been about ten or eleven years old. She had uncombed hair and was dressed in a torn skirt and blouse. She was trembling as the collector started forcibly pulling her out from the compartment.
I stood up and called out to the collector. "Sir, I will pay for her ticket."
The collector looked at me and said, 'Madam, if you give her ten rupees, she will be much happier than with the ticket.'
I told the collector to just give me a ticket to the last destination, Bangalore, so that the girl could get down wherever she wanted.
Slowly, she started talking. She told me that her name was Chitra. She lived in a village near Bidar. Her father was a coolie and she had lost her mother at birth. Her father had remarried and had two sons with her stepmother. But a few months ago, her father had died. Her stepmother started beating her often and did not give her food. She did not have anybody to support her, so she left home.
By this time, the train had reached Bangalore. I said goodbye to Chitra and got down from the train. My driver came and picked up my bags. I felt someone watching me. When I turned back, Chitra was standing there and looking at me with sad eyes.
The collector looked at me and said, 'Madam, if you give her ten rupees, she will be much happier than with the ticket.'
I told the collector to just give me a ticket to the last destination, Bangalore, so that the girl could get down wherever she wanted.
Slowly, she started talking. She told me that her name was Chitra. She lived in a village near Bidar. Her father was a coolie and she had lost her mother at birth. Her father had remarried and had two sons with her stepmother. But a few months ago, her father had died. Her stepmother started beating her often and did not give her food. She did not have anybody to support her, so she left home.
By this time, the train had reached Bangalore. I said goodbye to Chitra and got down from the train. My driver came and picked up my bags. I felt someone watching me. When I turned back, Chitra was standing there and looking at me with sad eyes.
I told her to get into my car. I told the driver to take us to my friend Ram's place. Ram ran shelter homes for boys and girls. Infosys Foundation supported him financially. I thought Chitra could stay there for some time. We could talk about her future after I came back from my tour.
Over the next few months, Chitra adjusted well at the shelter. Ram suggested that Chitra could go to a high school nearby. I agreed and said I would sponsor her expenses as long as she continued to study. I left the shelter knowing that Chitra had found a home and a new direction in life.
I got busier and my visits to the shelter reduced to once a year. But I always enquired about Chitra's well-being over the phone. I offered to sponsor her college studies if she wanted to continue studying.
"No Akka," she said, "I have talked to my friends and made up my mind. I would like to do my diploma in computer science so I can immediately get a job after three years." She wanted to become economically independent as soon as possible. Chitra obtained her diploma with flying colors. She also got a job in a software company as an assistant testing engineer. When she got her first salary, she came to my office with a sari and a box of sweets.
One day, when I was in Delhi, I got a call from Chitra. She was very happy. "Akka, my company is sending me to USA! I wanted to meet you and get your blessings but you are not here in Bangalore."
Years passed. Occasionally, I received an e-mail from Chitra. She was doing very well in her career.
A few years ago, I was invited to deliver a lecture in San Francisco for Kannada Koota, an organization where families who speak Kannada meet and organize events. The lecture was in a convention hall of a hotel and I decided to stay at the same hotel. When I checked out of the hotel room and went to the reception counter to pay the bill, the receptionist said, "Ma'am, you don't need to pay us anything. The lady over there has already settled your bill. She must know you pretty well." I turned around and saw Chitra standing there.
She was with a young white man and wore a beautiful sari. She was looking very pretty with short hair. Her dark eyes were beaming with happiness and pride. As soon as she saw me, she gave me a huge smile, hugged me and touched my feet. I was overwhelmed with joy and did not know what to say. I was very happy to see the way things had turned out for Chitra. But I came back to my original question.
One day, when I was in Delhi, I got a call from Chitra. She was very happy. "Akka, my company is sending me to USA! I wanted to meet you and get your blessings but you are not here in Bangalore."
Years passed. Occasionally, I received an e-mail from Chitra. She was doing very well in her career.
A few years ago, I was invited to deliver a lecture in San Francisco for Kannada Koota, an organization where families who speak Kannada meet and organize events. The lecture was in a convention hall of a hotel and I decided to stay at the same hotel. When I checked out of the hotel room and went to the reception counter to pay the bill, the receptionist said, "Ma'am, you don't need to pay us anything. The lady over there has already settled your bill. She must know you pretty well." I turned around and saw Chitra standing there.
She was with a young white man and wore a beautiful sari. She was looking very pretty with short hair. Her dark eyes were beaming with happiness and pride. As soon as she saw me, she gave me a huge smile, hugged me and touched my feet. I was overwhelmed with joy and did not know what to say. I was very happy to see the way things had turned out for Chitra. But I came back to my original question.
"Chitra, why did you pay my hotel bill? That is not right," I said.
She started sobbing and hugged me. "Because you paid for my ticket from Bombay to Bangalore..."
Thursday, April 26, 2018
"Kama Muta" // "Psychological Elevation"... Is it actually a thing ?!
"Hey Doc, give the patient in room 2 a few minutes. We are warming him up," the nurse called out to me.
"Warming him up? What do you mean?" I was at the free clinic, a couple of months ago.
"Well, he gave his only winter coat to his room mate at the homeless shelter," the nurse replied.
"Why?! It's freezing outside," I said.
"He says his room mate needed it more than him," the nurse replied.
I had no words for a moment.
"How is he going to get back to the shelter?" I asked. The wind chill was in the single digits outside.
"Oh... We'll rustle up something from the clinic. Everyone here wants to give their coat to him," she replied.
At that moment, I would have given him mine in an instant. Imagining a homeless person give his only coat to someone who needed it more than him, was very touching. This was a collective sentiment of whoever heard about this patient's magnanimous act of kindness. It's a ripple effect. On hearing about random acts of kindness by complete strangers, a surge of goodwill & generosity envelopes people.
And this sentiment is more common than you may think. A recent opinion piece on CNN.com rekindled memories of this particular incident. What is the neuropsychological basis of such sentiments, when we witness or hear about acts of kindness by almost total strangers?
Jonathan Haidt, a psychologist at UVA, called this positive emotion "Elevation" -- a warm, uplifting feeling that we experience when we see unexpected acts of kindness. It often makes us want to help others. And some psychologists call this emotion by another name -- "Kama Muta".
'Kama Muta' means "Moved by Love" in Sanskrit, and has been used in ancient Indian scriptures through ages. This emotion has a few distinct features. People may feel chills, goosebumps and some even might tear up seeing an unexpected act of kindness or love. After the initial intense feeling has passed, many folks may have a sense of buoyancy and uplift. The feeling is contagious and one good deed leads to another.
So please, everyone, let love and kindness flow. Inspire and be inspired. God knows we need compassion and humanity in today's turbulent times. Open your hearts and give without remembering. Real charity doesn't care if it's Tax - deductible.
"If you don't have charity and kindness in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble." ~ Bob Hope
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"Warming him up? What do you mean?" I was at the free clinic, a couple of months ago.
"Well, he gave his only winter coat to his room mate at the homeless shelter," the nurse replied.
"Why?! It's freezing outside," I said.
"He says his room mate needed it more than him," the nurse replied.
I had no words for a moment.
"How is he going to get back to the shelter?" I asked. The wind chill was in the single digits outside.
"Oh... We'll rustle up something from the clinic. Everyone here wants to give their coat to him," she replied.
At that moment, I would have given him mine in an instant. Imagining a homeless person give his only coat to someone who needed it more than him, was very touching. This was a collective sentiment of whoever heard about this patient's magnanimous act of kindness. It's a ripple effect. On hearing about random acts of kindness by complete strangers, a surge of goodwill & generosity envelopes people.
And this sentiment is more common than you may think. A recent opinion piece on CNN.com rekindled memories of this particular incident. What is the neuropsychological basis of such sentiments, when we witness or hear about acts of kindness by almost total strangers?
Jonathan Haidt, a psychologist at UVA, called this positive emotion "Elevation" -- a warm, uplifting feeling that we experience when we see unexpected acts of kindness. It often makes us want to help others. And some psychologists call this emotion by another name -- "Kama Muta".
'Kama Muta' means "Moved by Love" in Sanskrit, and has been used in ancient Indian scriptures through ages. This emotion has a few distinct features. People may feel chills, goosebumps and some even might tear up seeing an unexpected act of kindness or love. After the initial intense feeling has passed, many folks may have a sense of buoyancy and uplift. The feeling is contagious and one good deed leads to another.
So please, everyone, let love and kindness flow. Inspire and be inspired. God knows we need compassion and humanity in today's turbulent times. Open your hearts and give without remembering. Real charity doesn't care if it's Tax - deductible.
"If you don't have charity and kindness in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble." ~ Bob Hope
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Sunday, April 1, 2018
"#March for our lives"....... a day with a purpose
I was fortunate to participate in the "March For Our Lives" rally this past weekend. The emotion and energy of the people was palpable. And the speakers.... wow! Most of the speakers were teenagers and amazingly eloquent. They were focused on clear objectives. Is this a moment in our nation's history or will it be the beginning of a sustained movement? Only time will tell. Judging by the passion of the student leaders, I hope this results in some meaningful change.
Later that day, I was reminiscing about the rally with a friend, who is a Preschool teacher. The discussion veered towards guns, gun violence and impact of the same on young children.
"We practice "Active shooter" drills once a year for students," she said.
"In your school?" I was shocked.
"Yes, in my school. And my students are 4 and 5 year old kids," she said.
Images of 4 and 5 year-old kids, in all their innocence, hiding under tables and closets immediately flashed through my mind. It was an extremely distressing thought.
The same evening, my wife and I attended a First Birthday celebration for our friend's daughter. As I looked at the angel-like birthday girl, my brain warped back to the afternoon conversation. In 2-3 years, would this sweet little girl be practicing "Active shooter" drills in her school too? The mere thought made me nauseous.
I might be wrong, but I think we are the only developed country in the world, where kids have to go through "Active shooter" drills, starting from Preschool. You think that should be the normal way of life for 4-5 year olds, in any community, society or country?
Social activism is born when a perceived injustice has gone beyond a certain tolerance point. No wonder one of the slogans of these young crusaders is "Enough is Enough." These young students have started something. They are not politicians or lobbyists. They have no ulterior motive, except one. They just want to be afraid of only their grades and Algebra when they go to school, not bullets. But they will need help and support to sustain this movement.
We are at such a place in our country at this time, that the question these days is not if a mass shooting will happen again, but when and where. When a society deems it "normal" to have "Active Shooter" drills for preschoolers, something is terribly wrong.
When social issues are at stake, we must always choose sides.
"Neutrality always helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented" ~ Elie Wiesel
.
Later that day, I was reminiscing about the rally with a friend, who is a Preschool teacher. The discussion veered towards guns, gun violence and impact of the same on young children.
"We practice "Active shooter" drills once a year for students," she said.
"In your school?" I was shocked.
"Yes, in my school. And my students are 4 and 5 year old kids," she said.
Images of 4 and 5 year-old kids, in all their innocence, hiding under tables and closets immediately flashed through my mind. It was an extremely distressing thought.
The same evening, my wife and I attended a First Birthday celebration for our friend's daughter. As I looked at the angel-like birthday girl, my brain warped back to the afternoon conversation. In 2-3 years, would this sweet little girl be practicing "Active shooter" drills in her school too? The mere thought made me nauseous.
I might be wrong, but I think we are the only developed country in the world, where kids have to go through "Active shooter" drills, starting from Preschool. You think that should be the normal way of life for 4-5 year olds, in any community, society or country?
Social activism is born when a perceived injustice has gone beyond a certain tolerance point. No wonder one of the slogans of these young crusaders is "Enough is Enough." These young students have started something. They are not politicians or lobbyists. They have no ulterior motive, except one. They just want to be afraid of only their grades and Algebra when they go to school, not bullets. But they will need help and support to sustain this movement.
We are at such a place in our country at this time, that the question these days is not if a mass shooting will happen again, but when and where. When a society deems it "normal" to have "Active Shooter" drills for preschoolers, something is terribly wrong.
When social issues are at stake, we must always choose sides.
"Neutrality always helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented" ~ Elie Wiesel
.
Monday, December 26, 2016
Charity for the soul, not for a headline........
"Hey Doc, can I ask a favor of you?" one of my patients asked me, as I finished examining him in my office, a few days ago.
"Sure," I replied, looking at him.
"I'm quite a successful businessman in the area, and I have started a good-sized local charity organisation," he said.
"That's wonderful," I said, and I meant what I said. I firmly believe that we need more of us who give back to the community.
"And I wanted to ask you to be on the Board of Directors of the organisation," he continued.
"Is your charity related to healthcare?" I asked.
"No...not really," he replied. "Its more of a social networking organisation."
"Then why do you need me on the Board?" I was confused.
"It just looks good to have a physician on the Committee. You don't have to do anything and you get your name on the letterhead. And we have a lot of communications with our sub-organisations all the time," he replied.
I paused for a moment. The day had just started and my office schedule was full. I really didn't have time for this.
"It's very kind of you to think of me. I only get involved in charity organisations if I really do something meaningful. But I'll give you names & numbers of a few people who love to see their names on any piece of stationary," I said.
"You sure, Doc? Your name will get out there." He looked a little surprised.
"Thanks again, but I am okay with my name being where it is. Good luck with your venture," I smiled.
Too many people use the word charity just to prop up their self-esteem and to falsely inflate their self-worth. And that is so unfortunate, because it devalues the real work done by true charitable organisations. As we grow in life, there comes a stage when our needs & wants balance out. That is when we get the urge to do something for others, to give back. Like Mohammed Ali once said, "Service to others is the rent we pay for our room here on earth."
I often tell my friends, that if you want to do some charitable work, do it because the urge emerges from your soul. And do it because you really want to do it, and not because you need a headline or a photo-op. Do something significant that leaves a local footprint in your community, so that your next generation may visualize it and is inspired.
"Blessed are those who give without remembering, and who take without forgetting."
"Sure," I replied, looking at him.
"I'm quite a successful businessman in the area, and I have started a good-sized local charity organisation," he said.
"That's wonderful," I said, and I meant what I said. I firmly believe that we need more of us who give back to the community.
"And I wanted to ask you to be on the Board of Directors of the organisation," he continued.
"Is your charity related to healthcare?" I asked.
"No...not really," he replied. "Its more of a social networking organisation."
"Then why do you need me on the Board?" I was confused.
"It just looks good to have a physician on the Committee. You don't have to do anything and you get your name on the letterhead. And we have a lot of communications with our sub-organisations all the time," he replied.
I paused for a moment. The day had just started and my office schedule was full. I really didn't have time for this.
"It's very kind of you to think of me. I only get involved in charity organisations if I really do something meaningful. But I'll give you names & numbers of a few people who love to see their names on any piece of stationary," I said.
"You sure, Doc? Your name will get out there." He looked a little surprised.
"Thanks again, but I am okay with my name being where it is. Good luck with your venture," I smiled.
Too many people use the word charity just to prop up their self-esteem and to falsely inflate their self-worth. And that is so unfortunate, because it devalues the real work done by true charitable organisations. As we grow in life, there comes a stage when our needs & wants balance out. That is when we get the urge to do something for others, to give back. Like Mohammed Ali once said, "Service to others is the rent we pay for our room here on earth."
I often tell my friends, that if you want to do some charitable work, do it because the urge emerges from your soul. And do it because you really want to do it, and not because you need a headline or a photo-op. Do something significant that leaves a local footprint in your community, so that your next generation may visualize it and is inspired.
"Blessed are those who give without remembering, and who take without forgetting."
Thursday, October 6, 2016
A bit "Too Fancy'" for comfort...!!
Recently, my wife and I got invited to an upscale restaurant in D.C. by some friends.
"What do you mean 'upscale'?" I asked my wife.
"I mean fancy, reeeeal fancy," she replied. "You have a seven course meal. You got to wear a jacket and a necktie, mister."
When my wife starts mistering me, its wise for my well-being to be quiet.
Anyway, we made it to the restaurant. My wife looked exquisite in her red dress and as for me, I definitely looked uncomfortable in my neck tie.
"I think I'll take my tie off just before we eat--" I started.
"They probably won't serve you then," my wife said. That was something to ponder. I did want to eat and the hunger pangs were starting.
"Why is the light so dim? We can barely see each other," I asked. My wife, being used to sophisticated places, just frowned at me.
After we were seated by a stern looking "Seating Manager", an equally somber looking "Dinner Associate" showed up at our table.
"What's a 'Dinner Associate'? Is he going to have dinner with us?" I asked my wife.
"No, honey. He's the waiter. Remember, this is a fancy place," she whispered back.
"Oh, then this guy must be getting us our drinks," I said, pointing to the Beverage Consultant, standing right next to the Dinner Associate.
The Beverage Consultant almost choked when I asked for a Vodka-Tonic instead of Chateau Pinot Noir, or Franco Cabernet Sauvignon.....!
"Which salad did you order?" my wife asked.
"The fruit & nut symphony salad" I said, looking forward to it. "And here it comes."
As soon as I looked at my plate, I tapped our Dinner Associate on the back.
"I think you got me the wrong salad. I ordered the fruit & nut symphony," I said.
He looked at my Vodka-Tonic and then at me, rather disdainfully.
"Sir, that is the symphony salad. And you have the wrong fork in your hand. The salad fork is the smaller one." He was kind enough not to be loud.
"What's the ruckus?" My wife asked, turning towards me.
"Oh nothing," I replied. "My salad is all of 2 leaves of lettuce, 5 peas, 3 peanuts and half of a strawberry. I think I'm going to need a lot more than seven courses--"
"Shh.... just smile at the people across the table."
"Now I know why they keep the light so dim," I muttered.
The rest of the evening was no better. I spent more time chasing food on my plate than eating it. The waiters...sorry 'Dinner Associates', sidled up silently and swished away plates, once even before I was done. When I uttered a mild protest, I was admonished that my knife and fork were at the 5 '0' clock position, indicating that I was finished with my food. After that I kept my cutlery in my hands at all times, even while drinking my Vodka!
The seven courses were spread over a painful 2 hours. When we finally got out of the restaurant, we all looked at each other and burst out laughing. And we laughed all the way to IHOP!
.
"What do you mean 'upscale'?" I asked my wife.
"I mean fancy, reeeeal fancy," she replied. "You have a seven course meal. You got to wear a jacket and a necktie, mister."
When my wife starts mistering me, its wise for my well-being to be quiet.
Anyway, we made it to the restaurant. My wife looked exquisite in her red dress and as for me, I definitely looked uncomfortable in my neck tie.
"I think I'll take my tie off just before we eat--" I started.
"They probably won't serve you then," my wife said. That was something to ponder. I did want to eat and the hunger pangs were starting.
"Why is the light so dim? We can barely see each other," I asked. My wife, being used to sophisticated places, just frowned at me.
After we were seated by a stern looking "Seating Manager", an equally somber looking "Dinner Associate" showed up at our table.
"What's a 'Dinner Associate'? Is he going to have dinner with us?" I asked my wife.
"No, honey. He's the waiter. Remember, this is a fancy place," she whispered back.
"Oh, then this guy must be getting us our drinks," I said, pointing to the Beverage Consultant, standing right next to the Dinner Associate.
The Beverage Consultant almost choked when I asked for a Vodka-Tonic instead of Chateau Pinot Noir, or Franco Cabernet Sauvignon.....!
"Which salad did you order?" my wife asked.
"The fruit & nut symphony salad" I said, looking forward to it. "And here it comes."
As soon as I looked at my plate, I tapped our Dinner Associate on the back.
"I think you got me the wrong salad. I ordered the fruit & nut symphony," I said.
He looked at my Vodka-Tonic and then at me, rather disdainfully.
"Sir, that is the symphony salad. And you have the wrong fork in your hand. The salad fork is the smaller one." He was kind enough not to be loud.
"What's the ruckus?" My wife asked, turning towards me.
"Oh nothing," I replied. "My salad is all of 2 leaves of lettuce, 5 peas, 3 peanuts and half of a strawberry. I think I'm going to need a lot more than seven courses--"
"Shh.... just smile at the people across the table."
"Now I know why they keep the light so dim," I muttered.
The rest of the evening was no better. I spent more time chasing food on my plate than eating it. The waiters...sorry 'Dinner Associates', sidled up silently and swished away plates, once even before I was done. When I uttered a mild protest, I was admonished that my knife and fork were at the 5 '0' clock position, indicating that I was finished with my food. After that I kept my cutlery in my hands at all times, even while drinking my Vodka!
The seven courses were spread over a painful 2 hours. When we finally got out of the restaurant, we all looked at each other and burst out laughing. And we laughed all the way to IHOP!
.
Saturday, September 10, 2016
"Unethical Amnesia" -- is it real ?
"I feel my heart racing off and on," a patient said, a few weeks ago in my office.
"When do you feel that? Is it when you are exercising?" I asked.
"No...no. It's generally when I'm upset, Doc," she said. I observed that her eyes were moist.
"That is generally not a serious issue," I said. But I knew she wasn't done.
"It's one of my friends, Doctor. Every few years, she will repeat the same unpleasant things, and when I remind her of the past, her reply is that she does not remember."
"Well ---" I started.
"But she remembers every little favor she has done for me for the last 20 years!" she exclaimed.
I'm not a psychologist, but I had a fair idea of what was going on here. I pulled up a chair and sat down.
"Have you heard of "Unethical Amnesia" ? I asked.
A few days later, this came up again when I was sitting with some of my friends. In the last week, there was a research study out of Harvard and Kellogg School of Management, which concluded that "Unethical Amnesia" is indeed a condition which prevails in most of us. We all are social animals, and generally, we know when we do something that is morally or ethically not within the parameters of "Being a good human - being." We might hide it from the rest of the world, but it does not give us a good feeling inside. It becomes an uncomfortable memory within ourselves, and our neuronal circuitry tends to suppress these unpleasant memories. And recent studies indicate that people genuinely do tend to forget the details of their own transgressions. But this does make folks more prone to repeat these mistakes, leading to "repeat offenders."
On the other hand, when we do something to help someone, especially where nothing was expected in return, it gives us a great feeling. We genuinely feel good after a selfless act. And our neuronal circuits crystallize both the memory, and the feeling. Subsequently, it etches itself in our memory. Our personality, in the long run, becomes a sum of these memories and emotions.
Now take a moment, and think back on all the selfless deeds you have done in the last few years..... Too many, isn't it?
Now try to think of the not-so-good things you might have done during the same time frame.... Not a single instance, right? Or is it 'Unethical Amnesia' ?!!
"The next best thing to the enjoyment of a good time, is the recollection of it." ~ James L. Basford
.
"When do you feel that? Is it when you are exercising?" I asked.
"No...no. It's generally when I'm upset, Doc," she said. I observed that her eyes were moist.
"That is generally not a serious issue," I said. But I knew she wasn't done.
"It's one of my friends, Doctor. Every few years, she will repeat the same unpleasant things, and when I remind her of the past, her reply is that she does not remember."
"Well ---" I started.
"But she remembers every little favor she has done for me for the last 20 years!" she exclaimed.
I'm not a psychologist, but I had a fair idea of what was going on here. I pulled up a chair and sat down.
"Have you heard of "Unethical Amnesia" ? I asked.
A few days later, this came up again when I was sitting with some of my friends. In the last week, there was a research study out of Harvard and Kellogg School of Management, which concluded that "Unethical Amnesia" is indeed a condition which prevails in most of us. We all are social animals, and generally, we know when we do something that is morally or ethically not within the parameters of "Being a good human - being." We might hide it from the rest of the world, but it does not give us a good feeling inside. It becomes an uncomfortable memory within ourselves, and our neuronal circuitry tends to suppress these unpleasant memories. And recent studies indicate that people genuinely do tend to forget the details of their own transgressions. But this does make folks more prone to repeat these mistakes, leading to "repeat offenders."
On the other hand, when we do something to help someone, especially where nothing was expected in return, it gives us a great feeling. We genuinely feel good after a selfless act. And our neuronal circuits crystallize both the memory, and the feeling. Subsequently, it etches itself in our memory. Our personality, in the long run, becomes a sum of these memories and emotions.
Now take a moment, and think back on all the selfless deeds you have done in the last few years..... Too many, isn't it?
Now try to think of the not-so-good things you might have done during the same time frame.... Not a single instance, right? Or is it 'Unethical Amnesia' ?!!
"The next best thing to the enjoyment of a good time, is the recollection of it." ~ James L. Basford
.
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Life comes around in a full circle.....
Many, many moons ago, during my residency, I used to drive a small car. I would see cars whizzing by and always wondered if I would ever be able to afford a Camry. After finishing my residency, I realized I could and promptly bought one. Soon after that, as I was driving my Camry, my eyes wandered over to the Mercedes, the BMWs.... and I wondered again -- could I someday afford one? After a few years I could, and owned those cars at one time or another. Now the kids are grown and I wonder again-- should I just buy a small car? Its easier to park, more fuel efficient and that's really all I need.
Life does come around in a full circle. Over the course of our lives, our wants are many, but the needs always remain about the same. At about the time we are able to bring our wants to the level of our needs, we really start living and our life becomes purposeful and much more enjoyable.
When physicians have a busy, established practice, a lot of Corporate Honchos will come around to get the physicians involved in the business aspect of medicine. The intent is to get you to make more money, and in return they make some too.
Let me share a recent conversation I had with a gentleman in the financial sector.
"So Doc, you have a really busy practice," he said.
"Yeah, work is busy. But only from 8 to 5 everyday. And I dont work weekends," I said.
"Just 8 to 5? What do you do after 5 PM and on weekends?" he asked.
"Well," I said. "I take life easy, come home early every day. As my weekends are free, I spend a lot of time with my kids, enjoy movies and eating out with my wife, and really delve into my hobbies."
"Doc..!" He was very animated now. "You really should work more, involve yourself in different organizations and committees, make connections with important people, get your name out there..."
"Then what?" I asked.
"Then you open more clinics, hire more physicians and expand your business," he could barely contain himself.
"And then?" I repeated myself
"You would be busy with meetings and conferences, hire even more people and then you should franchise out your clinic name and expand into neighboring counties," He was very enthusiastic.
"And after that?" I asked again.
"Then go public, have an IPO and make a lot of money," He was almost out of his chair.
"And what then?" I persisted.
"Then you got it made, Doc. You take life easy, come home from work whenever you want to, your weekends will be free, spend a lot of time with your kids, take long walks with your wife and cultivate your hobbies....."
"Know your needs, be careful with your wants and when you strike a healthy balance between the two, you'll really start living!" ~ ac
.
Life does come around in a full circle. Over the course of our lives, our wants are many, but the needs always remain about the same. At about the time we are able to bring our wants to the level of our needs, we really start living and our life becomes purposeful and much more enjoyable.
When physicians have a busy, established practice, a lot of Corporate Honchos will come around to get the physicians involved in the business aspect of medicine. The intent is to get you to make more money, and in return they make some too.
Let me share a recent conversation I had with a gentleman in the financial sector.
"So Doc, you have a really busy practice," he said.
"Yeah, work is busy. But only from 8 to 5 everyday. And I dont work weekends," I said.
"Just 8 to 5? What do you do after 5 PM and on weekends?" he asked.
"Well," I said. "I take life easy, come home early every day. As my weekends are free, I spend a lot of time with my kids, enjoy movies and eating out with my wife, and really delve into my hobbies."
"Doc..!" He was very animated now. "You really should work more, involve yourself in different organizations and committees, make connections with important people, get your name out there..."
"Then what?" I asked.
"Then you open more clinics, hire more physicians and expand your business," he could barely contain himself.
"And then?" I repeated myself
"You would be busy with meetings and conferences, hire even more people and then you should franchise out your clinic name and expand into neighboring counties," He was very enthusiastic.
"And after that?" I asked again.
"Then go public, have an IPO and make a lot of money," He was almost out of his chair.
"And what then?" I persisted.
"Then you got it made, Doc. You take life easy, come home from work whenever you want to, your weekends will be free, spend a lot of time with your kids, take long walks with your wife and cultivate your hobbies....."
"Know your needs, be careful with your wants and when you strike a healthy balance between the two, you'll really start living!" ~ ac
.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Concerts, Connections and partying...!!
"Do you go to concerts?" a patient asked me in the office, who I knew, also is a promoter of Indian concerts in the Washington DC metro area.
"Yeah, I do. On occasion," I replied.
"Well, there's a concert coming up next weekend, and I have a couple of Super Elite tickets, if you are interested," he said.
"Oh... I am busy next weekend. And what is a 'Super Elite' ticket anyway?" I asked.
"Well, it's a long story," he replied, with rueful smile. "In the good old days, about a decade ago, we just had regular tickets and a couple of rows up front for VIPs."
"Then what happened?" I asked.
"Then the Indian population in our area exploded. Everyone here wants to reinforce and prove to their peers that they have 'arrived'! The regular tickets were not an option anymore. So then we added the VVIP rows, in front of the VIP rows."
"And what came next?" I asked.
"More people from our part of the world came to our area, and most of them were successful. The incomes grew, and egos grew even bigger. Every group thought they were special, and everybody else was..... well... not that special. The VVIP tag did not satisfy the inflated sense of self-worth anymore, so the 'Elite" section came about."
"I think I know where this is going," I said with a smile.
"Let me finish now, Doc," he smiled back. "Since the last few years, some folks have a misguided notion that having 'connections' upgrades your social status. Nobody wants tickets through the Box office anymore. So I get calls from almost everybody and they want to know where the other people are sitting, before buying their own tickets. Some of them wanted to sit in front of the 'Elite' rows, and that's how the 'Super Elite' section was born."
"How many rows of regular tickets do you have on the floor?" I was laughing now.
"Just a couple in the back. And I really don't know what comes after 'Super Elite'," he said.
"Maybe 'Heavenly' ?" I said, in jest.
"That's not a bad idea, Doc.... The 'Heavenly' section... and it sounds expensive too!"
So don't be surprised, if there is a section for 'Heavenly' seats, on your next e-mail featuring a Bollywood superstar!
Every summer, Bollywood concerts flood the major Metro areas in the United States, including the DC area. Most of the concerts are fun, and people have a great time. But as my friend above mentioned, there are some story lines that run in parallel, which makes life interesting! When you get to the event site, there is always somebody sitting in your seat. Seat numbers, apparently, have no relevance in most desi concerts. Eventually, you get your seat and exactly 90 seconds later, there is a collective urge to head out for a drink! And of course, who is sitting with whom, and who is sitting where, does come into play for some, where ego is bigger than the moment. And in between all this, a few minor skirmishes will break out, followed by giant 'panjabi' bear hugs to make the truce. After all is said and done, it's about 3 hours of confusion, being loud, drinking, arguing, showing off, eating... or as one would summarize - a typical "Panjabi Party".
"At every party, there are two kinds of people -- those who want to go home, and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other!" ~ Ann Landers
.
"Yeah, I do. On occasion," I replied.
"Well, there's a concert coming up next weekend, and I have a couple of Super Elite tickets, if you are interested," he said.
"Oh... I am busy next weekend. And what is a 'Super Elite' ticket anyway?" I asked.
"Well, it's a long story," he replied, with rueful smile. "In the good old days, about a decade ago, we just had regular tickets and a couple of rows up front for VIPs."
"Then what happened?" I asked.
"Then the Indian population in our area exploded. Everyone here wants to reinforce and prove to their peers that they have 'arrived'! The regular tickets were not an option anymore. So then we added the VVIP rows, in front of the VIP rows."
"And what came next?" I asked.
"More people from our part of the world came to our area, and most of them were successful. The incomes grew, and egos grew even bigger. Every group thought they were special, and everybody else was..... well... not that special. The VVIP tag did not satisfy the inflated sense of self-worth anymore, so the 'Elite" section came about."
"I think I know where this is going," I said with a smile.
"Let me finish now, Doc," he smiled back. "Since the last few years, some folks have a misguided notion that having 'connections' upgrades your social status. Nobody wants tickets through the Box office anymore. So I get calls from almost everybody and they want to know where the other people are sitting, before buying their own tickets. Some of them wanted to sit in front of the 'Elite' rows, and that's how the 'Super Elite' section was born."
"How many rows of regular tickets do you have on the floor?" I was laughing now.
"Just a couple in the back. And I really don't know what comes after 'Super Elite'," he said.
"Maybe 'Heavenly' ?" I said, in jest.
"That's not a bad idea, Doc.... The 'Heavenly' section... and it sounds expensive too!"
So don't be surprised, if there is a section for 'Heavenly' seats, on your next e-mail featuring a Bollywood superstar!
Every summer, Bollywood concerts flood the major Metro areas in the United States, including the DC area. Most of the concerts are fun, and people have a great time. But as my friend above mentioned, there are some story lines that run in parallel, which makes life interesting! When you get to the event site, there is always somebody sitting in your seat. Seat numbers, apparently, have no relevance in most desi concerts. Eventually, you get your seat and exactly 90 seconds later, there is a collective urge to head out for a drink! And of course, who is sitting with whom, and who is sitting where, does come into play for some, where ego is bigger than the moment. And in between all this, a few minor skirmishes will break out, followed by giant 'panjabi' bear hugs to make the truce. After all is said and done, it's about 3 hours of confusion, being loud, drinking, arguing, showing off, eating... or as one would summarize - a typical "Panjabi Party".
"At every party, there are two kinds of people -- those who want to go home, and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other!" ~ Ann Landers
.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Diving out of my comfort zone....
A few days ago, we were at a wedding in New Jersey. As the Reception event, held at a fancy Golf Club, was winding down, a murmur for an "after- party" started. An enterprising friend of ours got busy on his i-phone and started looking for restaurants that would be open at 1 am.
"There's just one place open, a few miles from here," he said.
There was a chorus of assent all around.
"So what kind of restaurant is it?" somebody asked.
"It's a Dive Bar," our enterprising friend answered casually.
Most people around were just thrilled to hear the word "Bar". But I got a little nervous, because I knew what a Dive Bar is. I had never been to one, but I knew it would be a far cry from the Golf Club that we were sitting in.
My token dissent was firmly over ruled by all. And so 5 couples headed out in 3 vehicles. As we pulled further away from the manicured landscape of the Golf Club, and closer to our destination, the road became rough, and the sidewalks were unkempt.
"Here it is," my friend said, who was riding shotgun with me, pointing to a very unimpressive, shack like structure on the side of the road.
He barged straight on inside, and the rest of us, men in suits and ladies decked up in brilliant colored Indian outfits, followed hesitantly. The Dive Bar was approximately 50 square feet in size. There were about twenty five people already inside, spread around a bar that looked like something out of an an old western movie. The patrons gave us curious looks, as we ordered our drinks. We eyed them back nervously, taking in the numerous tattoos and sleeveless leather vests. The only comfortable person among us was our friend who had led the way. He seemed to be having a great time.
"The problem is not them, Arvin," he said to me, sensing my nervousness. "It's us and our preconceived perceptions. Relax and have a drink."
And he was so right. We are so used to being in a cocoon, that we rarely step out of our comfort zone. At most social events, the tone, tenor and more often than not, even the content of the conversation is repetitive and predictable. Everybody's role is well defined and the attention seeking egos are fed a healthy dose of "You are soo special!" Generally, I am a part of that social scene. So it was refreshing to step out of that cocoon and experience something different. And as we became comfortable in that Dive Bar, we relaxed and actually had a good time.
I am not advocating that everyone should head out to a Dive Bar. But I think it is good, once in a while, to step out of a familiar, protective environment and experience a different face of life. Not everyone who does not look like you is bad, and not everyone who looks like you is good. Preconceived perceptions and ideas are dangerous in an open society.
"Everybody has their own story to tell. Your life is like a book that you don't ever get to put down. So make it interesting." ~ Author unknown
.
"There's just one place open, a few miles from here," he said.
There was a chorus of assent all around.
"So what kind of restaurant is it?" somebody asked.
"It's a Dive Bar," our enterprising friend answered casually.
Most people around were just thrilled to hear the word "Bar". But I got a little nervous, because I knew what a Dive Bar is. I had never been to one, but I knew it would be a far cry from the Golf Club that we were sitting in.
My token dissent was firmly over ruled by all. And so 5 couples headed out in 3 vehicles. As we pulled further away from the manicured landscape of the Golf Club, and closer to our destination, the road became rough, and the sidewalks were unkempt.
"Here it is," my friend said, who was riding shotgun with me, pointing to a very unimpressive, shack like structure on the side of the road.
He barged straight on inside, and the rest of us, men in suits and ladies decked up in brilliant colored Indian outfits, followed hesitantly. The Dive Bar was approximately 50 square feet in size. There were about twenty five people already inside, spread around a bar that looked like something out of an an old western movie. The patrons gave us curious looks, as we ordered our drinks. We eyed them back nervously, taking in the numerous tattoos and sleeveless leather vests. The only comfortable person among us was our friend who had led the way. He seemed to be having a great time.
"The problem is not them, Arvin," he said to me, sensing my nervousness. "It's us and our preconceived perceptions. Relax and have a drink."
And he was so right. We are so used to being in a cocoon, that we rarely step out of our comfort zone. At most social events, the tone, tenor and more often than not, even the content of the conversation is repetitive and predictable. Everybody's role is well defined and the attention seeking egos are fed a healthy dose of "You are soo special!" Generally, I am a part of that social scene. So it was refreshing to step out of that cocoon and experience something different. And as we became comfortable in that Dive Bar, we relaxed and actually had a good time.
I am not advocating that everyone should head out to a Dive Bar. But I think it is good, once in a while, to step out of a familiar, protective environment and experience a different face of life. Not everyone who does not look like you is bad, and not everyone who looks like you is good. Preconceived perceptions and ideas are dangerous in an open society.
"Everybody has their own story to tell. Your life is like a book that you don't ever get to put down. So make it interesting." ~ Author unknown
.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
To Experience, or to possess...? That is the question
"How is everything else?" I asked the 64-year old patient in my office, after his physical exam.
"Never better, Doc. I am retired now," he replied.
"Retired? Planning to take it easy now?" I asked.
"Well, not really," he replied, with a big smile. "I sold my company for a couple of million."
"Oh good... so what's in the near future? A new car... a bigger house... travel?"
"Just the last one, Doc. Travel. I'm over my materialistic streak. Did that in my forties and early fifties. I plan to travel and visit places & people. I want to experience things, make pleasant memories for the rest of my years."
His last line stuck with me. Experience things and make pleasant memories.
Should we spend our time and money on an experience, or get a material object? Of course, if you can afford both, nothing like it. But if we have to make a choice, which will give us more happiness? The answers can be varied, depending on personalities and individual priorities. Psychological research suggests that, in the long run, experiences make people happier than possessions.
That's in part, because the initial joy of acquiring a new object, such as a new car, fades over time as people become accustomed to seeing it every day. Experiences, on the other hand, continue to provide happiness through memories long after the event occurred.
Recent research at the San Francisco State University found that the reason for increased happiness in experiences was that people felt a greater sense of vitality or "being alive" during the experience, and in reflection. As nice as your new car is, it's not going to make you feel alive for more than a few weeks or months.
And the surprising part? As per this research, the moments in life that people remember most fondly were the impromptu gatherings of close friends or family, where the setting was informal, without any pre-planning and there was no particular occasion. And what do people reflect on most about these casual get-togethers? Its the conversation, the camaraderie, the feeling that you connected to people around you....and as a result trust, which is the backbone of any relationship, grows.
The same research revealed that the material possessions people cherished high up on the list were gifts with a personal touch. Such gifts often become keepsakes and have sentimental value that increases with time, instead of diminishing.
People are different and personalities vary. Some of us might not agree with findings of this research. I happen to agree with most of it. If some people are not on the same road of life that you chose, it doesn't mean they are lost. They've just chosen a different path.
I believe life is just not about what you own. Its about people who are a part of your life and your immediate world. We can't control the thought process and attitude of people around us, but we surely can control our own. Create beautiful moments everyday, so that you have wonderful memories to look back on.
"I can explain as much of life as I can to you, but you must remember that there is a part of life for which you are the explanation." ~ Robert Brault
.
"Never better, Doc. I am retired now," he replied.
"Retired? Planning to take it easy now?" I asked.
"Well, not really," he replied, with a big smile. "I sold my company for a couple of million."
"Oh good... so what's in the near future? A new car... a bigger house... travel?"
"Just the last one, Doc. Travel. I'm over my materialistic streak. Did that in my forties and early fifties. I plan to travel and visit places & people. I want to experience things, make pleasant memories for the rest of my years."
His last line stuck with me. Experience things and make pleasant memories.
Should we spend our time and money on an experience, or get a material object? Of course, if you can afford both, nothing like it. But if we have to make a choice, which will give us more happiness? The answers can be varied, depending on personalities and individual priorities. Psychological research suggests that, in the long run, experiences make people happier than possessions.
That's in part, because the initial joy of acquiring a new object, such as a new car, fades over time as people become accustomed to seeing it every day. Experiences, on the other hand, continue to provide happiness through memories long after the event occurred.
Recent research at the San Francisco State University found that the reason for increased happiness in experiences was that people felt a greater sense of vitality or "being alive" during the experience, and in reflection. As nice as your new car is, it's not going to make you feel alive for more than a few weeks or months.
And the surprising part? As per this research, the moments in life that people remember most fondly were the impromptu gatherings of close friends or family, where the setting was informal, without any pre-planning and there was no particular occasion. And what do people reflect on most about these casual get-togethers? Its the conversation, the camaraderie, the feeling that you connected to people around you....and as a result trust, which is the backbone of any relationship, grows.
The same research revealed that the material possessions people cherished high up on the list were gifts with a personal touch. Such gifts often become keepsakes and have sentimental value that increases with time, instead of diminishing.
People are different and personalities vary. Some of us might not agree with findings of this research. I happen to agree with most of it. If some people are not on the same road of life that you chose, it doesn't mean they are lost. They've just chosen a different path.
I believe life is just not about what you own. Its about people who are a part of your life and your immediate world. We can't control the thought process and attitude of people around us, but we surely can control our own. Create beautiful moments everyday, so that you have wonderful memories to look back on.
"I can explain as much of life as I can to you, but you must remember that there is a part of life for which you are the explanation." ~ Robert Brault
.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Of Trump and his 'Trumpisms'......
Donald Trump walked up to the podium, with that familiar smug smile, for his Inaugural address to the American people, on the steps of the Capitol. It was a cold, wet January morning. And for some strange reason, I was there, among throngs of people. And they were all silent, there was no cheering. My hand went to my forehead, to wipe off the rain drops. And then I woke up....
In one long, groggy second, I realized it was a dream. Let me correct myself - a nightmare, not a dream. My forehead was wet, not from the rain, but from the cold sweat at the possibility of a Trump Presidency.
These days Donald Trump dominates the news cycle. There is wall to wall coverage on TV of this larger than life figure. And to be honest, the mainstream media has a lot to do with his meteoric rise. Yesterday, CNN had an uninterrupted coverage of Trump's vehicle convoy, headed to a campaign event in Arizona, for 5 minutes! The news outlet was apparently fascinated even by the vehicle the 'Donald' was traveling in.
I'll be the first one to admit that I never imagined things would be where they are. I believed Donald Trump and his bombastic campaign would implode long before now. And there is more than just the extensive media coverage fueling his ascent in the polls. Although to be fair, his poll numbers are within the GOP. But still, his poll numbers and Primary wins have left most of the so called "Experts" & "Pundits" looking clueless and scratching their heads.
We all have a darker side within ourselves. It can be varying degrees of our total personality. We all know it, and of course, we don't admit to that side existing within us. Our dark side is kept under wraps by our overwhelming good side. And here is another fact of life -- even if we wanted to, we can't afford to start spewing out what we really thought of some people and our immediate world, because we are civilized. And moreover, we want to keep our social fabric intact. We overlook shortcomings in ourselves and of some folks around us for a greater good. So among us, there might be many "mini- Trumps", itching to come out!
Mr. Trump has let loose that darker side. He has let go of the inhibitions. Apparently he does not care, because unlike most of us, he can afford not to care. Nobody is going to "Fire" him! He is worth billions and as a result, he does not have to worry about consequences of his often inflammatory remarks. He goes way beyond being "Politically Incorrect." I know he is 'business smart' and 'rich', as he reminds us so eloquently every time he opens his mouth. But these two qualities do not automatically qualify a person to be the President of the United States of America. The President is for 'all' citizens of our country, not just a faction that he panders to. But after all is said and done, everybody needs to give him due credit for the following he has created for himself.
To his supporters -- here's some food for thought....
"Talent is God-given, be humble. Fame is man-given, be grateful. Conceit is self-given, be careful." ~ John Wooden
.
In one long, groggy second, I realized it was a dream. Let me correct myself - a nightmare, not a dream. My forehead was wet, not from the rain, but from the cold sweat at the possibility of a Trump Presidency.
These days Donald Trump dominates the news cycle. There is wall to wall coverage on TV of this larger than life figure. And to be honest, the mainstream media has a lot to do with his meteoric rise. Yesterday, CNN had an uninterrupted coverage of Trump's vehicle convoy, headed to a campaign event in Arizona, for 5 minutes! The news outlet was apparently fascinated even by the vehicle the 'Donald' was traveling in.
I'll be the first one to admit that I never imagined things would be where they are. I believed Donald Trump and his bombastic campaign would implode long before now. And there is more than just the extensive media coverage fueling his ascent in the polls. Although to be fair, his poll numbers are within the GOP. But still, his poll numbers and Primary wins have left most of the so called "Experts" & "Pundits" looking clueless and scratching their heads.
We all have a darker side within ourselves. It can be varying degrees of our total personality. We all know it, and of course, we don't admit to that side existing within us. Our dark side is kept under wraps by our overwhelming good side. And here is another fact of life -- even if we wanted to, we can't afford to start spewing out what we really thought of some people and our immediate world, because we are civilized. And moreover, we want to keep our social fabric intact. We overlook shortcomings in ourselves and of some folks around us for a greater good. So among us, there might be many "mini- Trumps", itching to come out!
Mr. Trump has let loose that darker side. He has let go of the inhibitions. Apparently he does not care, because unlike most of us, he can afford not to care. Nobody is going to "Fire" him! He is worth billions and as a result, he does not have to worry about consequences of his often inflammatory remarks. He goes way beyond being "Politically Incorrect." I know he is 'business smart' and 'rich', as he reminds us so eloquently every time he opens his mouth. But these two qualities do not automatically qualify a person to be the President of the United States of America. The President is for 'all' citizens of our country, not just a faction that he panders to. But after all is said and done, everybody needs to give him due credit for the following he has created for himself.
"Talent is God-given, be humble. Fame is man-given, be grateful. Conceit is self-given, be careful." ~ John Wooden
.
Monday, January 25, 2016
So how are the 2016 resolutions doing ?!
A couple of weeks ago, I met a friend of mine at the gym.
"So you are still sticking to your resolution? Working out and all," he said.
I raised my hands, as my eyebrows arched. "Hey, it's just the 5th of January today...I'm going to stick to my resolutions this year."
Well, that was about 3 weeks ago. That's 21 long days. Now we are almost at the end of January. I had a long list this year. And a lot of the words on that list are hazy already. What are resolutions after all? A promise to make ourselves or some aspect of our lives better. And we do this every New Year's eve. We don't really have to, but it's a tradition now.
According to a research study, 30 percent of New Year resolutions are broken in the first week and 85 percent before the end of January. Ninety three percent of New Year resolutions involve losing weight.
So why not make easy resolutions for a year and then go on to the more tricky ones. Here are a few suggestions (for 2017) of the easy ones....!
*Want to look thin and fit? -- Find new, heavier (read-'plump') friends. Or fatten up current friends. As one of my friends once said, it's all relative...!
*Want to drink less alcohol? -- Hang out with people who drink more than you do.
*Don't want to think too much of the past? -- Just worry about the future.
*Want to save Mother Earth and conserve water? -- Shower once, twice or thrice.... a week, depending on how much you love Mother Earth.
*Want to be socially popular? -- Stop telling the same jokes over and over and over......
On a serious note, we all wish to improve ourselves and our lives, hence the resolutions. But to stick to a resolution, or any objective we want to accomplish, we have to be disciplined. Discipline to stay on course, to stick to your plan, and that eventually becomes the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
"Every worthwhile accomplishment has a price tag attached to it. The question is always whether you are willing to pay the price to attain it -- in hard work, sacrifice, patience, faith and endurance." ~ John C Maxwell
.
"So you are still sticking to your resolution? Working out and all," he said.
I raised my hands, as my eyebrows arched. "Hey, it's just the 5th of January today...I'm going to stick to my resolutions this year."
Well, that was about 3 weeks ago. That's 21 long days. Now we are almost at the end of January. I had a long list this year. And a lot of the words on that list are hazy already. What are resolutions after all? A promise to make ourselves or some aspect of our lives better. And we do this every New Year's eve. We don't really have to, but it's a tradition now.
According to a research study, 30 percent of New Year resolutions are broken in the first week and 85 percent before the end of January. Ninety three percent of New Year resolutions involve losing weight.
So why not make easy resolutions for a year and then go on to the more tricky ones. Here are a few suggestions (for 2017) of the easy ones....!
*Want to look thin and fit? -- Find new, heavier (read-'plump') friends. Or fatten up current friends. As one of my friends once said, it's all relative...!
*Want to drink less alcohol? -- Hang out with people who drink more than you do.
*Don't want to think too much of the past? -- Just worry about the future.
*Want to save Mother Earth and conserve water? -- Shower once, twice or thrice.... a week, depending on how much you love Mother Earth.
*Want to be socially popular? -- Stop telling the same jokes over and over and over......
On a serious note, we all wish to improve ourselves and our lives, hence the resolutions. But to stick to a resolution, or any objective we want to accomplish, we have to be disciplined. Discipline to stay on course, to stick to your plan, and that eventually becomes the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
"Every worthwhile accomplishment has a price tag attached to it. The question is always whether you are willing to pay the price to attain it -- in hard work, sacrifice, patience, faith and endurance." ~ John C Maxwell
.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
It's "Resolution time" again .....!
Every year, around this time, I make a list of things I'm going to do starting with the brand new year. The list is easy to make, as there are numerous things I would like to improve about myself. Usually by the time I'm done, the list is about 2 pages long. By the time I'm on my 15th resolution, I've already forgotten the the first few.
This year, I thought let me pull out my list from last year. I had been smart enough to save my list of "Resolutions" on my laptop. Well, I thought to myself, I'll just scratch out the resolutions that I kept last year, and add a few new ones. As I went down the list from last year, I couldn't think of a single thing that I followed through with! I know that's embarrassing, but I'm not going to lie. So I took a deep breath and looked at the line at the top which said "Resolutions for 2017".... and then I scratched out "2017", and put in "2018." So I recycled my resolutions and had a list ready for next year in no time!
Here's a few things from that list.....
Be more romantic...... (put in by my wife) since our marriage, this has always been the number one resolution every year...... I'm still working on it.
Exercise regularly....... and if I know a certain friend of mine, I'll be in trouble if he doesn't see me in the gym on a regular basis.
Buy lottery tickets at a luckier store...
Work seriously on my next book..... that's one resolution I plan to stick to and finish up an overdue project.
Try to be kinder, gentler, sincere...... no matter what the social clique dictates or requires. In doing so, try to be a better person overall.
Grow more hair...... What? Where did that come from? I know that's a lost cause.......!
On a serious note, making resolutions is an effort to make ourselves and our lives better. This is one time of the year when we can peek inwards and admit to certain things that we could do better, and others that we could do without. No matter how well life is treating us, there's always room for improvement. Good luck with yours and I do hope somewhere on the list is "Spending more time with family and friends." Because no matter how much time we spend with our family, we could always do more.
"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man." ~Benjamin Franklin
Here's wishing you and yours a wonderful 2018!!
.
This year, I thought let me pull out my list from last year. I had been smart enough to save my list of "Resolutions" on my laptop. Well, I thought to myself, I'll just scratch out the resolutions that I kept last year, and add a few new ones. As I went down the list from last year, I couldn't think of a single thing that I followed through with! I know that's embarrassing, but I'm not going to lie. So I took a deep breath and looked at the line at the top which said "Resolutions for 2017".... and then I scratched out "2017", and put in "2018." So I recycled my resolutions and had a list ready for next year in no time!
Here's a few things from that list.....
Be more romantic...... (put in by my wife) since our marriage, this has always been the number one resolution every year...... I'm still working on it.
Exercise regularly....... and if I know a certain friend of mine, I'll be in trouble if he doesn't see me in the gym on a regular basis.
Buy lottery tickets at a luckier store...
Work seriously on my next book..... that's one resolution I plan to stick to and finish up an overdue project.
Try to be kinder, gentler, sincere...... no matter what the social clique dictates or requires. In doing so, try to be a better person overall.
Grow more hair...... What? Where did that come from? I know that's a lost cause.......!
On a serious note, making resolutions is an effort to make ourselves and our lives better. This is one time of the year when we can peek inwards and admit to certain things that we could do better, and others that we could do without. No matter how well life is treating us, there's always room for improvement. Good luck with yours and I do hope somewhere on the list is "Spending more time with family and friends." Because no matter how much time we spend with our family, we could always do more.
"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man." ~Benjamin Franklin
Here's wishing you and yours a wonderful 2018!!
.
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Be the lead character in your own life story.......
"You seem to be doing well," I said to a 55-year old lady in my office. "Your exam and lab work is all good."
"And how's my blood pressure?" she asked.
"BP is good too. You've always had borderline high readings on your previous visits," I said.
"I know why it was high before. I was always so stressed," she said.
"So you are managing to keep your stress levels down? That's great," I replied.
"Yes, I am now," she smiled. "I was trying too hard to please everybody in my life. And that saps so much of your energy."
"I imagine it would," I said. "So you don't try to please everybody now?"
"Only my very near and dear ones, Doc. I realized one thing--in my life, I have to be the main character.... I do things that I want to do now, not what I have to do. I feel so free," she said, smiling wistfully.
"It sure does," I said, returning her smile.
"Yes, Doc. Now I am the heroine in the story of my life." She looked positively radiant.
"That is such a nice line," I exclaimed.
"It is, isn't it?' she laughed. "But seriously, everybody should actually try it in real life. It is sooo liberating."
That conversation happened a few weeks ago. But it has stuck with me since then. There is so much truth in what this lady said. If the burden of societal pressures is lifted off your shoulders, one does feel liberated. Doing things you want to do, and more importantly, having the courage to stay away from what you don't want to do, makes life simple.
We often insist on making life complicated, rather than the other way around. Hang around people you connect to, and stay away from those who manipulate & use you. Be realistic, and be your own advocate. Try not to have anybody speak for you. Live your life...on YOUR own terms. Making the right choice should be a natural instinct, and not a reason to pat yourself on the back.
And always remember --
"Truth does not have a side...it's not wrong or right, good or bad. It's just the Truth. Stick to it and it'll take you far in life."
.
"And how's my blood pressure?" she asked.
"BP is good too. You've always had borderline high readings on your previous visits," I said.
"I know why it was high before. I was always so stressed," she said.
"So you are managing to keep your stress levels down? That's great," I replied.
"Yes, I am now," she smiled. "I was trying too hard to please everybody in my life. And that saps so much of your energy."
"I imagine it would," I said. "So you don't try to please everybody now?"
"Only my very near and dear ones, Doc. I realized one thing--in my life, I have to be the main character.... I do things that I want to do now, not what I have to do. I feel so free," she said, smiling wistfully.
"It sure does," I said, returning her smile.
"Yes, Doc. Now I am the heroine in the story of my life." She looked positively radiant.
"That is such a nice line," I exclaimed.
"It is, isn't it?' she laughed. "But seriously, everybody should actually try it in real life. It is sooo liberating."
That conversation happened a few weeks ago. But it has stuck with me since then. There is so much truth in what this lady said. If the burden of societal pressures is lifted off your shoulders, one does feel liberated. Doing things you want to do, and more importantly, having the courage to stay away from what you don't want to do, makes life simple.
We often insist on making life complicated, rather than the other way around. Hang around people you connect to, and stay away from those who manipulate & use you. Be realistic, and be your own advocate. Try not to have anybody speak for you. Live your life...on YOUR own terms. Making the right choice should be a natural instinct, and not a reason to pat yourself on the back.
And always remember --
"Truth does not have a side...it's not wrong or right, good or bad. It's just the Truth. Stick to it and it'll take you far in life."
.
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Maturity of the mind....!
"Look where I am today, Doc," the 52 year old said, looking up from his wheelchair.
"You are looking a lot better than a month ago," I said.
He nodded assent. "You are right Doc. I am a lot better than a month ago. I can move my left leg now. But where am I compared to 6 months ago?" He smiled wryly.
"I know Keith (name changed to protect privacy)," I said. "You had a stroke 6 months ago. I know it must have been tough, but you are improving." Keith owns one of the bigger IT companies in our region.
"Oh I know...I know," he said. "You know something Doc.... six months ago, a successful day meant closing a multi million dollar deal. Today, a successful day is being able to take a step on my own."
"It's still a successful day, isn't it?" I asked.
He looked up at me and smiled.
"Success is all relative, Doc. I get the same thrill today when I take a single step on my own, as I did when I closed on a multi million dollar deal. I've matured more in the last 6 months than probably in my entire lifetime," he said.
What he said is so true. Success is relative to maturity of one's mind. And it's definition, with respect to an individual, changes from time to time. As life grows on us, our priorities are constantly in a flux. And along with that, is our definition of success and achievement.
And I emphasize the words, "Maturity of the Mind." Physically, we all mature at a steady, resolute pace, no matter how hard we try to slow it down. The mind matures at a vastly varying rate among different individuals. That is the reason we are all surprised off and on, (pleasantly or otherwise!) by certain out of character things our social peers will say or do on occasion.
Imagine these scenarios -- Some folks are overly sensitive and will pout at extremely inconsequential things, others are paranoid and suspicious that everybody is out to get them and still others, who are constantly trying to manipulate people around them at all times. Seem like middle and high school scenarios? And now for the shocker -- imagine all these folks are in their forties and fifties....
And yes, whether we openly admit it or not, it does happen in all social groups and circles, but thankfully not too often. And the people responsible are generally the usual suspects!
But try to be patient with these individuals, who are mostly harmless, and are just seeking attention. They are just lagging behind with regards to maturing their mind!
"Age is just a number, and Maturity is a choice that some people have a tough time making!" ~ Anonymous
"You are looking a lot better than a month ago," I said.
He nodded assent. "You are right Doc. I am a lot better than a month ago. I can move my left leg now. But where am I compared to 6 months ago?" He smiled wryly.
"I know Keith (name changed to protect privacy)," I said. "You had a stroke 6 months ago. I know it must have been tough, but you are improving." Keith owns one of the bigger IT companies in our region.
"Oh I know...I know," he said. "You know something Doc.... six months ago, a successful day meant closing a multi million dollar deal. Today, a successful day is being able to take a step on my own."
"It's still a successful day, isn't it?" I asked.
He looked up at me and smiled.
"Success is all relative, Doc. I get the same thrill today when I take a single step on my own, as I did when I closed on a multi million dollar deal. I've matured more in the last 6 months than probably in my entire lifetime," he said.
What he said is so true. Success is relative to maturity of one's mind. And it's definition, with respect to an individual, changes from time to time. As life grows on us, our priorities are constantly in a flux. And along with that, is our definition of success and achievement.
And I emphasize the words, "Maturity of the Mind." Physically, we all mature at a steady, resolute pace, no matter how hard we try to slow it down. The mind matures at a vastly varying rate among different individuals. That is the reason we are all surprised off and on, (pleasantly or otherwise!) by certain out of character things our social peers will say or do on occasion.
Imagine these scenarios -- Some folks are overly sensitive and will pout at extremely inconsequential things, others are paranoid and suspicious that everybody is out to get them and still others, who are constantly trying to manipulate people around them at all times. Seem like middle and high school scenarios? And now for the shocker -- imagine all these folks are in their forties and fifties....
And yes, whether we openly admit it or not, it does happen in all social groups and circles, but thankfully not too often. And the people responsible are generally the usual suspects!
But try to be patient with these individuals, who are mostly harmless, and are just seeking attention. They are just lagging behind with regards to maturing their mind!
"Age is just a number, and Maturity is a choice that some people have a tough time making!" ~ Anonymous
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Slow down.... take a deep breath....
"I get exhausted even before I leave the house in the morning, Doc." This was a 30 some-year old young man telling me his complaint. I was surprised. All his blood tests were normal.
"All your results look good, you don't have a fever. Are you sleeping enough at night?" I asked.
"Oh yes, Doc. Go to bed at about 11 every night and I am up at 6 am. And then I am out of the house at 8:30."
"Leave at 8:30? And you are up at 6 am. Are you exercising too much before you leave for work in the morning," I said.
"Exercise?! I don't exercise at all, I don't have time. I can barely get ready on time!"
"Is that right? It takes you two and a half hours to get ready in the morning? Why is that?" I asked curiously.
"You really want to know? Okay...After I get up, I go to the bath---"
"Let's skip that part," I cut in hastily.
"Okay. After that, I have to put on the facial scrub every Monday and Wednesday, and leave it on for seven and a half minutes, then wash it off. Then comes the skin peel lotion Monday through Thursday, which stays on for exactly three and a half minutes. After that, its the collagen building skin cream Monday through Friday, and that stays on for 5 minutes before I wipe it off. In between I have to check my facebook account every 10 minutes for new posts and updates. And then comes the skin softening lotion--"
"Hold on, hold on......You are still not done with your lotions and creams?! How do you keep track of all this!" I was amazed.
"That's not a problem. I have the algorithm on my i-Pad. So that's the first thing I turn on so that I can follow the sequence and timings exactly. You want me to tell you what else I do in the morning before I pack my i phone, i pad, lap top--- ?"
"No..no, thanks," I interrupted him. "I get the picture."
I was exhausted just listening to him! Now I knew why he was tired before he left his house every morning.
Now I admit this guy was a bit extreme, but I know a lot of us have just too much going on in our lives. We try hard to look good, to look young, to lose weight, to stay connected via social media, among other things. Human beings are social animals, and hence the innate need to seek approval of our social sphere. The more insecure among us will try the hardest to please everybody. And I haven't even mentioned work, "kitty parties", social obligations etc. Maybe this is our life these days. How about taking a step back and reconsidering our priorities off & on, lest the forest gets lost among the trees?
Life is simple, it's just not easy to be simple.
"Simplicity is realizing what you need, rather than what you want." ~ Apoorve Dubey
.
"All your results look good, you don't have a fever. Are you sleeping enough at night?" I asked.
"Oh yes, Doc. Go to bed at about 11 every night and I am up at 6 am. And then I am out of the house at 8:30."
"Leave at 8:30? And you are up at 6 am. Are you exercising too much before you leave for work in the morning," I said.
"Exercise?! I don't exercise at all, I don't have time. I can barely get ready on time!"
"Is that right? It takes you two and a half hours to get ready in the morning? Why is that?" I asked curiously.
"You really want to know? Okay...After I get up, I go to the bath---"
"Let's skip that part," I cut in hastily.
"Okay. After that, I have to put on the facial scrub every Monday and Wednesday, and leave it on for seven and a half minutes, then wash it off. Then comes the skin peel lotion Monday through Thursday, which stays on for exactly three and a half minutes. After that, its the collagen building skin cream Monday through Friday, and that stays on for 5 minutes before I wipe it off. In between I have to check my facebook account every 10 minutes for new posts and updates. And then comes the skin softening lotion--"
"Hold on, hold on......You are still not done with your lotions and creams?! How do you keep track of all this!" I was amazed.
"That's not a problem. I have the algorithm on my i-Pad. So that's the first thing I turn on so that I can follow the sequence and timings exactly. You want me to tell you what else I do in the morning before I pack my i phone, i pad, lap top--- ?"
"No..no, thanks," I interrupted him. "I get the picture."
I was exhausted just listening to him! Now I knew why he was tired before he left his house every morning.
Now I admit this guy was a bit extreme, but I know a lot of us have just too much going on in our lives. We try hard to look good, to look young, to lose weight, to stay connected via social media, among other things. Human beings are social animals, and hence the innate need to seek approval of our social sphere. The more insecure among us will try the hardest to please everybody. And I haven't even mentioned work, "kitty parties", social obligations etc. Maybe this is our life these days. How about taking a step back and reconsidering our priorities off & on, lest the forest gets lost among the trees?
Life is simple, it's just not easy to be simple.
"Simplicity is realizing what you need, rather than what you want." ~ Apoorve Dubey
.
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